When to break up with a friend

It's OK for friendships to end.  It's sad and one or both parties will be hurt.  But as the saying goes, all good things DO come to an end. 
I was broken up with once.  It hurt.  Though I've never grasped the exact reasons said friend put up a fence, I do now understand that she had a legitimate issue. There was something in our friendship that became toxic to her, a negativity which was (sorrowfully) tied to me.  She had the ability to pinpoint this negativity that was affecting her life and close the door on it forever.  I'm so sorry she did.  BUT.  I respect now the need for self preservation of the mind and heart. 

Like any relationship romantic or not, a relationship is based upon an ebb and flow of energy and sharing.
Here is how a happy relationship works:  I share and give to you because I know you will do the same for me.  Sharing my time, energy and efforts with you feels effortless.

Do you have a friend that causes you to lose sleep at night, anxiety, wondering if you measure up to real or imagined expectations, having feelings of dread before you see them?  Does a simple phone conversation or e-mail exchange leave you feeling drained of energy?  How much do you absorb before it's OK to close the door  on this friend, at least figuratively? The situation should never be left to simmer so long that you close the door LITERALLY in their face, right? 

If you answered yes to either of the first two questions in the last paragraph, it may be time to take action. Our lives are too short to cater to others needs and desires especially if your own are not being met.  It does not mean you no longer love this ex- friend.  I have an ex-friend who I love dearly and would never wish a bad thought to her, and yet, I can only muster up the courage to see her in person about once a year.... for about two beers....at the most.

Life is cyclical. We change jobs, we change homes, we change our politics.  The sun rises, sets and rises again. But maybe by the next full moon you will have lightened your load of negativity and there will be more smiles, more pep, more room for whats important.

Greener Less Than Thou

Here's some things I do that are not so  Eco- Friendly:


Use Miracle Grow.  Though I use it ONLY on my potted plants I know it is still very bad. Every drip that runs over the pot and ends up in the soil. 


Purchase Individually Wrapped Cheese Sticks.  What can I say, they are just too easy for kids lunches and snacks.  But, every time I pull that little plastic wrapper off I can't help but imagine how long it's going to be in a landfill. 


On the bright side I try to offset my eco-violations with these ideas:

PIMP YOUR SWIFFER.   (you know you want to click on that) 

Compost.   For me it's less about creating beautiful usable soil, and more about saving space in the kitchen garbage bag.  Just think, if you threw NO food scraps into the garbage AND recycled paper, glass and plastic - how much less would your home be contributing to the local landfill?

Share with me, let's make each other better people.  What alternatives can you offer to my eco-violations and what actions do you suggest I try to be a more earth friendly household?

On Becoming a parent.

"Every day they become less dependent on you." A great and wise friend said this to me recently as I was bemoaning the tremendous burden of raising two very small children with a husband who is away more than half the year. "It may seem tough now, but someday soon you will ache for these days" says another wise friend. I know they are so correct and WILL myself to be filled with patience as I change the third soiled outfit of the morning, and explain for the thousandth time that Daddy is at work and won't be home until Saturday.

Parenthood has changed me. It's wonderful gift to be challenged with the task of raising human beings. "Don't screw it up!" I keep reminding my self! There was no jarring life affirming moment which showed me the change within, but rather the changes in myself are small, tiny increments of change, a pinch of kindness here, a dash of loving there that didn't exist before I was a parent. Learning from this process of raising children is where I have gained the most ground as a human: learned to be more compassionate, patient, and freely giving of my love.

I've stopped blurting out whatever snarky comments come to my mind. I'm more thoughtful with the words I choose, the tone I use and the presentation of my observations to a three year old. What a wonderful challenge, I tell myself every day. Being a parent is not like a project at work,which has a beginning, middle and end. Its an ongoing lecture in a classroom with a revolving door. I can exit the classroom, checkout and just pray for the toddler years to pass me by quickly. Or, I can grab a seat in the front row, take notes and ask questions. And why not give my children all I have at this tender young age? After all it's only a matter of time before they are pushing me away, eager to go and learn on their own the ways of the world.

How To Be An Olympian

 Want to win Gold? Want to be successful? I've been watching the Olympics nearly every day for the past few weeks - I just LOVE it. What an amazing thing to celebrate the WHOLE WORLD in a positive way. No war, no politics, no racism - the Olympics are about ALL HUMANS who live on the same earth.

At the age of 31 I'm probably past my prime chances for becoming an Olympic athlete. But I can still draw on the drive and determination of these athletes to be the BEST PERSON I can be every day.  Cheesy?  Well maybe - or maybe I'm just more optimistic than you.  Here's how I plan to be the best ME as I soak up the positive energy from London on the last night of the games:

1) Be a good role model. Show your children, their friends, new parents, the person in line behind you at the cashier - kindness and patience.  Treat others as you want to be treated. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

2)  Cultivate and nourish relationships with close friends and family. Covet and be thankful to those who love and understand you and dismiss without guilt those relationships which carry negativity. 

3)  Care for yourself.  Do you think Phelps and Douglas and May-Treanor tell them selves they can eat like shit today and just workout tomorrow?  An Olympians body IS the tool they must utilize to win the medal. Take care of your tools.  Fit mind, fit body, fit life.

It's true you may not win a Gold Medal and stand on the Olympic podium, but you can set goals, just like they do.  Goals like get happy, get fit, be a great mother, get a job you love.  Set a goal. Work hard. Win. 

Empty

Half a loaf of French bread, with butter and still feeling empty.
He is leaving soon.

Greener Than Thou

I get so tired of hearing how "green" others believe they are. I will admit that I follow a few so-called mommy blogs where they piss and moan about how being a parent is hard and occasionally throw in a post about how much green/healthy/ more organized we are than the rest of the world.  While I don't want to become a "Mommy Blogger", I do appreciate some of what I read there.  The other day I read a great post about a Mom admitting to spanking her child in a parking lot. ( I say Good On Ya Ma!) 
But I have had enough of the claims of "green parenting." 

There is a big difference between teaching your children to be "green" and  teaching your children a full understanding of the impacts of human activity on the earth.  I grew in in a house with no running water until age 7.  We were a 1-car family of 6 for most of my childhood. My parents grew and hunted our food, had chickens for eggs, and made goat cheese from the milk of our goat.  (It was disgusting, sorry Mom.)  We wore used, handmade, hemmed and re-mended clothing. My mother darned our socks. We didn't buy things in plastic packaging because that packaging used petroleum products to create it and will stay in a landfill for hundreds of years. We didn't use paper towels or paper napkins or eat processed foods. We didn't have a clothes dryer, didn't use air conditioning in the car, and composted everything - including the outhouse pit.

It's true my parents have since eased up a little bit. They have modern plumbing.  In 2000 they got an electric clothes dryer and became a 2-car family. In 2005 when I graduated from college I gave them my dorm microwave - which they begrudgingly accepted, though they still refuse to use plastic containers in the microwave, ever, AND they unplug it every night so that it's not using electricity to display the time.

I am no-where near as "green" as my parents were and are.  I am however more eco-aware than many people I know and I credit that entirely to my parents.  Here are a few things I feel are most important in attempting to show the earth some respect:

Use phosphate free dishwasher detergent ( I love Method)  WHY?
Use a clothesline instead of the dryer whenever you can.   WHY? 
Sort your trash and recycle, even if your community does not.  WHY?

Finally teach children to value the earth, the trees, and the air and teach them WHY we need to be more environmentally conscious. Teach them that ORGANIC foods are not necessarily healthier for us...... but growing things out of the earth without the use of chemical sprays and pesticides is good for the EARTH.   If we fuck this place up, we won't have a place to post blogs about how we are more "green" than others.... ;)

Ownership

Today on my news feed there were multiple references to owning your actions and this image in particular caught my eye. 
How often during the day do we blame others -  our spouses, our job, our location, our parents, our children.....
Who do you most often find yourself "blaming?"

It takes a strong individual to own their actions, their stories. Integrity, honesty, truthfulness; first with  yourself and then with the world.

I find that blame creates no solution to a problem. Only I can create a solution to a situation I do not like. Often, the only solution is to let it go.   Or maybe, you need to write about it.

nap
after beach.
sand
between sheets.

How to Fix a Bad Day

I have to fix a lot of things while SeaHusband is away.  (See previous post) But the one thing that "breaks" most frequently seems to be the most difficult to fix - my attitude.
Sometimes it's busted from the moment I crawl out of bed and am met with grumpy/poopy children and sometimes it the heat of Summer and the monotony of my "stay-at home" days that builds throughout the day and by 2pm I'm a hot headed woman with a redneck past and am ready for some serious road rage with the dip shit who is tailgating my grocery-getter. Always it leads to thoughts of SeaHusband and the life we choose to live - apart much of the time. There are a few things that work every time to calm my nerves and save the children from a grouchy Mom - Momster.

1) Exercise. A good sweat. The only way this is accomplished with two children is to keep my temper in check long enough to get them both changed/ pottied, bundled, snacked and buckled into the double stroller.  Then we get underway and I run my aggression out for 30 minutes or so and return feeling MUCH better.

2) We keep a certain space in our house clean and un- cluttered and use the space for yoga or meditation. It's amazing what 5 minutes of deep breathing in a quiet space can do. I can return to the kids/chaos with a clear mind and forage ahead with the domestic duties with a new attitude.

Sometimes there just isn't time for either of these things and I have to trundle ahead carrying my bad attitude on my shoulders. The last resort?  SMILE. Just fricking fake a smile for 5 minutes and see if it softens the Momster within. It usually does for me.  :) 


What do you do to fix your bad days?

Happy Fourth of July!  Cheers to Independence!