tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38674925577281315112024-03-04T23:46:42.677-05:00Life of a SeawifeA Merchant Marine FamilySeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-50823254220975274392012-08-19T05:30:00.000-04:002012-08-23T14:41:51.160-04:00When to break up with a friendIt's OK for friendships to end. It's sad and one or both parties will be hurt. But as the saying goes, all good things DO come to an end. <br />
I was broken up with once. It hurt. Though I've never grasped the exact reasons said friend put up a fence, I do now understand that she had a legitimate issue. There was something in our friendship that became toxic to her, a negativity which was (sorrowfully) tied to me. She had the ability to pinpoint this negativity that was affecting her life and close the door on it forever. I'm so sorry she did. BUT. I respect now the need for self preservation of the mind and heart. <br />
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Like any relationship romantic or not, a relationship is based upon an ebb and flow of energy and sharing.<br />
Here is how a happy relationship works: I share and give to you because I know you will do the same for me. Sharing my time, energy and efforts with you feels effortless.<br />
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Do you have a friend that causes you to lose sleep at night, anxiety, wondering if you measure up to real or imagined expectations, having feelings of dread before you see them? Does a simple phone conversation or e-mail exchange leave you feeling drained of energy? How much do you absorb before it's OK to close the door on this friend, at least figuratively? The situation should never be left to simmer so long that you close the door LITERALLY in their face, right? <br />
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If you answered yes to either of the first two questions in the last paragraph, it may be time to take action. Our lives are too short to cater to others needs and desires especially if your own are not being met. It does not mean you no longer love this ex- friend. I have an ex-friend who I love dearly and would never wish a bad thought to her, and yet, I can only muster up the courage to see her in person about once a year.... for about two beers....at the most. <br />
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Life is cyclical. We change jobs, we change homes, we change our politics. The sun rises, sets and rises again. But maybe by the next full moon you will have lightened your load of negativity and there will be more smiles, more pep, more room for whats important. <br />
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SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-86764079390243478602012-08-16T08:46:00.000-04:002012-08-16T08:46:00.722-04:00Greener Less Than ThouHere's some things I do that are not so Eco- Friendly: <br />
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<u>Use Miracle Grow</u>. Though I use it ONLY on my potted plants I know it is still <a href="http://roseredandlavender.com/blog/whats-wrong-with-miracle-grow-aka-the-dangers-of-miracle-grow/" target="_blank">very bad</a>. Every drip that runs over the pot and ends up in the soil. <br />
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<u>Purchase Individually Wrapped Cheese Sticks</u>. What can I say, they are just too easy for kids lunches and snacks. But, every time I pull that little plastic wrapper off I can't help but imagine how long it's going to be in a landfill. <br />
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On the bright side I try to offset my eco-violations with these ideas:<br />
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<a href="http://littlehouseinthesuburbs.com/2008/07/homemade-wet-jet-pads-and-solution.html" target="_blank">PIMP YOUR SWIFFER</a>. (you know you want to click on that) <br />
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<u>Compost.</u> For me it's less about creating beautiful usable soil, and more about saving space in the kitchen garbage bag. Just think, if you threw NO food scraps into the garbage AND recycled paper, glass and plastic - how much less would your home be contributing to the local landfill?<br />
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Share with me, let's make each other better people. What alternatives can you offer to my eco-violations and what actions do you suggest I try to be a more earth friendly household? <br />
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SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-62919542981551516582012-08-14T20:19:00.001-04:002012-08-14T20:19:53.664-04:00On Becoming a parent. <div>
<span><strong>"Every day they become less dependent on you." A great and wise friend said this to me recently as I was bemoaning the tremendous burden of raising two very small children with a husband who is away more than half the year. "It may seem tough now, but someday soon you will ache for these days" says another wise friend. I know they are so correct and WILL myself to be filled with patience as I change the third soiled outfit of the morning, and explain for the thousandth time that Daddy is at work and won't be home until Saturday. </strong></span></div>
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<span><strong>Parenthood has changed me. It's wonderful gift to be challenged with the task of raising human beings. "Don't screw it up!" I keep reminding my self! There was no jarring life affirming moment which showed me the change within, but rather the changes in myself are small, tiny increments of change, a pinch of kindness here, a dash of loving there that didn't exist before I was a parent. Learning from this process of raising children is where I have gained the most ground as a human: learned to be more compassionate, patient, and freely giving of my love. </strong></span><span><strong> </strong></span></div>
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<span><strong></strong></span><span><strong>I've stopped blurting out whatever snarky comments come to my mind. I'm more thoughtful with the words I choose, the tone I use and the presentation of my observations to a three year old. What a wonderful challenge, I tell myself every day. Being a parent is not like a project at work,which has a beginning, middle and end. Its an ongoing lecture in a classroom with a revolving door. I can exit the classroom, checkout and just pray for the toddler years to pass me by quickly. Or, I can <u>grab a seat in the front row, take notes and ask questions</u>. And why not give my children all I have at this tender young age? After all it's only a matter of time before they are pushing me away, eager to go and learn on their own the ways of the world. </strong></span></div>
SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-78421100252912805472012-08-12T23:11:00.000-04:002012-08-14T20:21:45.684-04:00How To Be An Olympian Want to win Gold? Want to be successful? I've been watching the Olympics nearly every day for the past few weeks - I just LOVE it. What an amazing thing to celebrate the WHOLE WORLD in a positive way. No war, no politics, no racism - the Olympics are about ALL HUMANS who live on the same earth.<br />
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At the age of 31 I'm probably <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetorch/2012/08/08/158422864/michael-phelps-exits-the-olympics-and-enters-retirement-at-27?ft=1&f=1003">past my prime</a> chances for becoming an Olympic athlete. But I can still draw on the drive and determination of these athletes to be the BEST PERSON I can be every day. Cheesy? Well maybe - or maybe I'm just more optimistic than you. Here's how I plan to be the best ME as I soak up the positive energy from London on the last night of the games: <br />
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1) Be a good role model. Show your children, their friends, new parents, the person in line behind you at the cashier - kindness and patience. Treat others as you want to be treated. Give people the benefit of the doubt. <br />
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2) Cultivate and nourish relationships with close friends and family. Covet and be thankful to those who love and understand you and dismiss without guilt those relationships which carry negativity. <br />
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3) Care for yourself. Do you think Phelps and Douglas and May-Treanor tell them selves they can eat like shit today and just workout tomorrow? An Olympians body IS the tool they must utilize to win the medal. Take care of your tools. Fit mind, fit body, fit life.<br />
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It's true you may not win a Gold Medal and stand on the Olympic podium, but you can set goals, just like they do. Goals like get happy, get fit, <a href="http://inspiredtoaction.com/2012/08/how-to-be-an-olympic-mother/">be a great mother</a>, get a job you love. Set a goal. Work hard. Win. <br />
<br />SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-87800278765513923262012-07-29T20:51:00.002-04:002012-07-29T20:51:16.600-04:00EmptyHalf a loaf of French bread, with butter and still feeling empty. <br />
He is leaving soon.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-33990659193459980152012-07-17T22:43:00.000-04:002012-09-23T13:48:29.850-04:00Greener Than ThouI get so tired of hearing how "green" others believe they are. I will admit that I follow a few so-called <em>mommy blogs </em>where they piss and moan about how being a parent is hard and occasionally throw in a post about how much green/healthy/ more organized we are than the rest of the world. While I don't want to become a "Mommy Blogger", I do appreciate some of what I read there. The other day I read a great <a href="http://thehappiestmom.com/2012/07/the-day-i-spanked-my-daughter-in-a-parking-lot-or-parenting-opinion-vs-judgment/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheHappiestMom+%28The+Happiest+Mom%29&utm_content=Google+Reader">post about a Mom admitting to spanking her child in a parking lot</a>. ( I say Good On Ya Ma!) <br />
But I have had enough of the claims of "green parenting." <br />
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There is a big difference between teaching your children to be "green" and teaching your children a full understanding of the impacts of human activity on the earth. I grew in in a house with no running water until age 7. We were a 1-car family of 6 for most of my childhood. My parents grew and hunted our food, had chickens for eggs, and made goat cheese from the milk of our goat. (It was disgusting, sorry Mom.) We wore used, handmade, hemmed and re-mended clothing. My mother darned our socks. We didn't buy things in plastic packaging because that packaging used petroleum products to create it and will stay in a landfill for hundreds of years. We didn't use paper towels or paper napkins or eat processed foods. We didn't have a clothes dryer, didn't use air conditioning in the car, and composted everything - including the outhouse pit. <br />
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It's true my parents have since eased up a little bit. They have modern plumbing. In 2000 they got an electric clothes dryer and became a 2-car family. In 2005 when I graduated from college I gave them my dorm microwave - which they begrudgingly accepted, though they still refuse to use plastic containers in the microwave, ever, AND they unplug it every night so that it's not using electricity to display the time. <br />
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I am no-where near as "green" as my parents were and are. I am however more eco-aware than many people I know and I credit that entirely to my parents. Here are a few things I feel are most important in attempting to show the earth some respect: <br />
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Use phosphate free dishwasher detergent ( I love Method) <a href="http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090316192206AAwgE0I">WHY?</a><br />
Use a clothesline instead of the dryer whenever you can. <a href="http://www.laundrylist.org/en/faq/35-general-laundry-questions/51--how-much-energy-is-actually-used-by-the-clothes-dryer">WHY?</a> <br />
Sort your trash and recycle, even if your community does not. <a href="http://greenliving.nationalgeographic.com/water-bottle-pollution-2947.html">WHY?</a><br />
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Finally teach children to value the earth, the trees, and the air and teach them WHY we need to be more environmentally conscious. Teach them that ORGANIC foods are not necessarily healthier for us...... but growing things out of the earth without the use of chemical sprays and pesticides is good for the EARTH. If we fuck this place up, we won't have a place to post blogs about how we are more "green" than others.... ;) <br />
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<br />SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-7347499588703307142012-07-16T20:16:00.002-04:002012-07-16T20:25:23.042-04:00Ownership<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today on my news feed there were multiple references to owning your actions and this image in particular caught my eye. <br />
How often during the day do we blame others - our spouses, our job, our location, our parents, our children..... <br />
Who do you most often find yourself "blaming?" <br />
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It takes a strong individual to own their actions, their stories. Integrity, honesty, truthfulness; first with yourself and then with the world. <br />
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I find that blame creates no solution to a problem. Only I can create a solution to a situation I do not like. Often, the only solution is to let it go. Or maybe, you need to write about it.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-38633105665226017782012-07-08T06:44:00.000-04:002012-07-08T06:44:00.942-04:00nap<br />
after beach.<br />
sand<br />
between sheets.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-70406380730227183512012-07-06T08:30:00.000-04:002012-07-07T23:14:05.644-04:00How to Fix a Bad DayI have to fix a lot of things while SeaHusband is away. (See <a href="http://lifeofaseawife.blogspot.com/2011/06/things-that-happen-while-hes-away.html">previous post</a>) But the one thing that "breaks" most frequently seems to be the most difficult to fix - my attitude. <br />
Sometimes it's busted from the moment I crawl out of bed and am met with grumpy/poopy children and sometimes it the heat of Summer and the monotony of my "stay-at home" days that builds throughout the day and by 2pm I'm a hot headed woman with a redneck past and am ready for some serious road rage with the dip shit who is tailgating my grocery-getter. Always it leads to thoughts of SeaHusband and the life we choose to live - apart much of the time. There are a few things that work every time to calm my nerves and save the children from a grouchy Mom - Momster. <br />
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1) Exercise. A good sweat. The only way this is accomplished with two children is to keep my temper in check long enough to get them both changed/ pottied, bundled, snacked and buckled into the double stroller. Then we get underway and I run my aggression out for 30 minutes or so and return feeling MUCH better. <br />
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2) We keep a certain space in our house clean and un- cluttered and use the space for yoga or meditation. It's amazing what 5 minutes of deep breathing in a quiet space can do. I can return to the kids/chaos with a clear mind and forage ahead with the domestic duties with a new attitude. <br />
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Sometimes there just isn't time for either of these things and I have to trundle ahead carrying my bad attitude on my shoulders. The last resort? SMILE. Just fricking fake a smile for 5 minutes and see if it softens the Momster within. It usually does for me. :) <br />
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What do you do to fix your bad days?SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-2674330218846596982012-07-04T21:27:00.000-04:002012-07-04T21:27:08.945-04:00Happy Fourth of July! Cheers to Independence!SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-79341647061847876282011-09-06T07:40:00.000-04:002011-09-06T07:40:14.020-04:00One Morning Near MaineThere were no coffee beans this morning. I slept only 5 hours. If SeaHusband were here this would never have happened. SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-17676160506245376342011-09-02T22:44:00.002-04:002012-07-07T23:18:36.195-04:00A couple of "Firsts"Summer is speeding by! SCHOOL is open and I know this because the school bus has resumed ripping through our quiet residential street at 40 mph. Also the ice cream truck has given it up. Thank God. <br />
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SeaHusband finished a three-week hitch and headed to a Mid Atlantic location to study for his Chief Mate/ Master exam. The plan was to study there for two weeks but he came home early and completely surprised me - walked into our bedroom while we were talking on the phone. Actually, he gave me a pretty good scare! Luckily I was NOT eating cupcakes in bed or watching Jersey Shore (either of which could be plausible), I was at the desk working. It was a great surprise and the <span style="color: red;">first</span> time he has done this. </div>
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He spent the next 5 days at home studying about 8 hours a day. It was so nice to have him here: the family together at home for 5 days in a row. It was the <span style="color: red;">first</span> time he's been home and occupied completely by something other than us, so it was a little strange. Our daughter, who is 2, was quite perplexed as to why Daddy could not play constantly, but he enjoyed her interruptions and tried to include her as much as possible. </div>
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(Oh look, <span style="color: red;">first</span> Blog Photo!)</div>
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Then it was off to Boston where he spent three grueling days and came home a <span style="color: red;">FIRST</span> MATE. I am so proud. </div>
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And while he was taking exams we had one more "first", the kids <span style="color: red;">first</span> ride on a tugboat. <br />
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Here's me and the SeaBabies with our dear friend Capt. Dave, aboard the <em>Rowan</em> in Portland. <br />
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Happy<span style="color: black;"> </span><span style="color: red;">first</span> week of September to you!</div>
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<br />SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-6426083965026142972011-07-24T12:32:00.001-04:002011-07-24T12:34:13.855-04:00Fish or Cut BaitIf I read one more parenting article or mommy blog that suggests I lower my standards and "let the house be messy" as a solution for dealing with how-the-hell-will-I-get-it-all-done stress, I will spit. A toy-strewn living room and piles of un-folded laundry do nothing to lower my blood pressure - quite the contrary. <br />
Staying at home with the children is a dream-come-true for many hardworking Moms out there. Our decision for this sort of arrangement was easy to imagine, easy to execute, but remains difficult to master. It was easy to imagine because it just made<em> sense </em>for one of us to be home full time since SeaHusband is away so much. The transition was pretty simple. My little home office in our bedroom has a nice Ikea desk, and all the necessary tools I need to edit cruising guides. I work when I can - when I have child care or when the children are sleeping. It is a very nice situation for which I am very grateful. <br />
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And yet...<br />
I <br />
CAN'T<br />
GET<br />
ANYTHING <br />
DONE<br />
!<br />
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The dishes, the cleaning, the laundry, the chapters due to my editor, the blog, the lawn mowing, the bills, the laundry, the laundry, the laundry! Not to mention the downtime needed for my sanity. <br />
So I've been lured into reading some of the "Mommy Blogs" and have actually found a few keepers which offer some great simple ideas for ways to get ahead of the piles of work, and stay ahead. <br />
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I think <a href="http://simplemom.net/the-secret-of-success-for-work-at-home-moms/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+simplemom+%28Simple+Mom%29">this one</a> is my favorite. The message is simple, Get it Done Early or as we like to say here in New England, "Quit friggin around! Fish or cut bait." <br />
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I've been making an attempt in the past few days to apply this theory and so far it's working. I am slowly gaining ground on the to-do lists and my living room is not a fall hazard... for now... because they are sleeping. But the good news is that I will have a full 9 weeks to put these good suggestions into practice - because that's how long he's going to be gone this time.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-60891737665321115802011-07-18T23:00:00.000-04:002011-07-18T23:00:33.823-04:00best day/ worst daySaturday was the BEST DAY; boating, kids, sun, swimming, beer, great friends. <br />
Sunday was the WORST DAY; him packing, tearful two-year old saying "stay home Papa", the long drive to the airport, goodbye for 3 weeks or maybe as long as 9 weeks.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-65994784976140234052011-07-09T23:09:00.001-04:002011-07-09T23:09:00.718-04:00alone and stillThis quote from a <a href="http://gcaptain.com/forum/professional-mariner-forum/6966-worth.html">thread</a> on <a href="http://gcaptain.com/">gCaptain,</a> <br />
<br />
"...you have to find a strong spouse who can be okay alone and still be okay to allow you into the world she has had to create, when you are there..Thats a hard thing to do..it's hard to find a person that is willing to put up with that..."SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-31394715808828604762011-06-30T06:13:00.002-04:002011-06-30T21:48:07.331-04:00The NumbersI have been avoiding this for quite some time because I know I will not like the results. Also, because I know there are many families whose numbers look "worse". <br />
In the past 180 days (six months) SeaHusband has been at home 40 days. <br />
It's true that he has had much more time than that "off" his ship, but for much of the "off" time there is required training that takes him away from home. <br />
We were fortunate these past 6 months to have the opportunity to travel with him on two occasions while he was training.("We" meaning myself, the two-year old, and the baby.) Though not exactly a relaxing vacation, it did mean we could eat dinner with him every night and breakfast together every morning which adds an additional 21 days of time spent together. <br />
So, 61 out of 180 days. That's not too bad. I wish I knew where military wives find the strength to say goodbye for much longer than I have ever had to.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-8308627862946858892011-06-28T13:07:00.000-04:002011-06-28T13:07:08.138-04:00Things that happen while he's away.Inevitably "Shit Happens" when SeaHusband is away. These things happen when he is here too, its just that, well usually he's NOT here. (Actual number of days home and away is being saved for another post)<br />
The events vary greatly in intensity and in category... depending on the seasons and the stages that the children are in. Here are a few of the things I've dealt with most recently: <br />
Cleaning out a Gutter. During a rain storm I noticed one of our breezeway gutters was spilling over the top, meaning that the spout was totally clogged, the gutter was full and could fall off the roof at any moment. Leaving the baby and toddler inside I climbed up a ladder in the wind and the rain and poked a stick down the spout to free it up. It worked and the kids were still alive when I went back in, SUCCESS!<br />
Repairing the Sump Pump. The pump was running continuously during dinner one night so I went to take a look. The uptake hose had separated from the pump so that the water was being just recirculated and not pumped out! It was raining hard, there was a lot of water coming in and we do not have a backup sump pump. The toddler was fastened safely into her highchair and the baby was asleep so I reached three feet down into the sump hold to locate the loosened hose clamp. Holding a Mag light in my mouth I found where the clamp needed to be placed, tightened it back up and TaDa. Success. <br />
Hornets Nest in the Mail Box. Well it took me about three days to deal with this because I was so scared. But finally I grabbed the garden hose and gave the nest a good hard blast for a few seconds and then ran inside hoping not to be stung. I didn't get rid of the whole nest, but I also did not get stung. Partial success. (SeaHusband can remove the remainder when he gets home.)SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-28409373576351571112011-06-20T22:30:00.000-04:002011-06-20T22:30:55.614-04:00Social SeaWife Check-inSocializing with immediate family does not count. Though they are wonderful and a very important part of my life, family sometimes have a tendency to leave us all exhausted, don't they? <br />
So, here's my Social SeaWife recap for the past week: <br />
Tuesday - No socialization.<br />
Wednesday - No socialization<br />
Thursday - Got a babysitter and had dinner out with MIL, SIL and a friend. Good time, great food, but being with family doesn't always give you the outlet you need. <br />
Friday - went to playgroup, met new "mom" who lives in the area and her husband is military and away much of the time. Super hopeful that she and I could become friends. <br />
Saturday - Visited with Aunt and Cousin in a place I've never been before. Points deducted for hanging with family, but points regained for getting out of the house with both kids and dog and going on an adventure to a new place. ( It was a not-yet occupied kids summer camp on a lake and it was SO fun!) <br />
Sunday - Dragged a Mommy friend to a 5k. Had a great time, walked 5k, ate a hotdog, listened to live music (ok, so it was kids music). <br />
Monday - No socialization<br />
<br />
Not bad for my first week really putting effort in. Now, to keep the momentum going. More dinner plans this week with non-family members.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-11532793653501465972011-06-18T09:25:00.000-04:002011-06-18T09:25:45.286-04:00You know you're a <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background: yellow;">SeaWife</span> when:<br />
your husband offers to take you sailing in the Caribbean, but you would honestly rather just spend time with him at home.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-38061493187434792622011-06-14T13:01:00.000-04:002011-06-14T13:01:59.570-04:00InspirationThings that bring me inspiration include the every day beauty of the world, my children, and my husbands dedication to his job and family. But sometimes I look to other people for support and inspiration. Here are links to a few of them. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://nautiemermate.com/">Megan the Nautie Mermate</a> is a classmate of mine from Maritime Academy. She ships, she blogs, and she is great. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://adeeplife.blogspot.com/">Deep Water Writing</a> I'm sure I've mentioned before. His observations at sea and ashore are full and vibrant, a pleasure to read and someone who understands the Life of a SeaWife more than most. <br />
<br />
Something else that inspired me recently was a book, <em>The Sea Captains Wife</em> by Beth Powning. Though it is a novel, the clarity of detail about shipping and the hills and valleys of emotion that are a part of all Seawives, were all captured and presented so well I found myself glued to the pages.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-43319255465090758982011-06-12T21:55:00.000-04:002011-06-12T21:55:56.100-04:00Social Sea WifeNot wanting to admit how long it's been since I wrote, I won't number the months, but it's been quite a long time. Time enough to have a second baby, renovate the kitchen and to look ahead towards What The Heck We Will Do Next. Time for the excitement of a new home and the terror of new parenthood to calm enough that we can begin to look ahead to the next step in our lives. The next leg of our voyage. <br />
<br />
<br />
The social life of a Sea Wife is a bit complex. When he is home the social gatherings are squeezed in between other necessary things like his training and studying, home maintenance and of course spending time with me and the children. There are all sorts of family gatherings; BBQ's (or cookouts, you might call them), birthday dinners, graduation parties and whatnot. We attend together and juggle the children and pass them around to various aunties and uncles. Friend gatherings are less frequent partly because of limited time and family coming first but also partly due not having found a regular way to socialize as a family with young children. When he is at sea it's the friend gatherings that I crave and that only rarely happen. And so, I feel a bit lonely. <br />
<br />
<br />
There are all sorts of excuses for why I don't engage more with our friends, the top two of those excuses are a Two Year Old and a Six-Month Old. But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, drop the excuses, call the baby sitter and go out for a night with the girls, send out a text for a cook-out invite. So what if the house is not in perfect order. Forget trying to cook a perfect meal, I'll tell guests to bring a dish to share and I'll throw together a salad. If the kids are having a rough night, well the guests will have to understand, and will probably take pity on me and do a few dishes. Too often I put off socializing with friends for "...when he is home to help." No more! Socialize or bust! Besides, I have a new kitchen to share!<br />
<br />
<br />
Sea Husband and I often spend time dreaming of being somewhere "else". A different house, a smaller town, closer to these friends or further from those family members. If I could redirect that effort spent dreaming of greener pastures, and point that effort towards socializing, perhaps I would find that where we are is a wonderful place after all.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-1668192920757915112009-08-30T19:35:00.003-04:002009-08-30T19:46:59.924-04:00LicenseRight - it's been a while. The three of you who read my blog know that Seababy has arrived. She is beautiful, healthy, and now is six months old. <br /><br />Other exciting news is that I have renewed my USCG license. I hold a 500-ton Mate Oceans license with an Auxiliary Sailing Endorsement. Fancy, right? It took four years at a maritime academy and every summer in between to earn it. Well that license is due to expire in a few months and seeing as I don't have the sea time to properly renew it and I don't care to take the exam with a six month old baby wailing behind me, I have decided to "renew for continuity purposes only". I'm not sure exactly what the origins of this option were, but I am awfully glad the option is there. For someone in my situation it is perfect. <br /><br />The last time I sailed professionally was an eight- week hitch on a research vessel out of Seattle. I sailed as an AB during the two months I had free from working at a state university as a maritime course administrator. That was in 2007. Since then all my sea time has been on small recreational boats and for pleasure - and sure I have enough experience that I could write my own sea time letter, but I think that's cheating and besides, I'd never be able to fake the tonnage. <br /><br />So in a last ditch attempt to not totally wave goodbye to the piece of paper with fancy scroll work that I worked so hard to earn, I decided to renew for continuity. The process was frighteningly easy - I printed off the proper forms from the Internet, filled them out, and mailed them in to my local REC. Four – to- ten weeks later I received in the mail from the NMC a license with the words FOR CONTINUITY PURPOSES ONLY written after all my fancy endorsements and qualifications. As I stood there holding it, a feeling of sadness washed over me. Expecting relief, because the process was so easy, the sadness settled heavily on my heart - on my ego. "For Continuity Purposes Only" means that I am not eligible to work under this license. Not as a Mate, not as an AB, and certainly not as a 100 -ton Captain. My license is not expired, but it's also not valid to work on. The ink on the paper looked cheap. The paper felt thin and...worthless. <br /><br />Then Seababy smiled at me from her blanket on the floor. <br />It's not worthless. I worked hard for that license and spent four dedicated years studying for it. The reality is I'm not going to sea anytime soon, not on a commercial vessel. Someday - hopefully sooner than later - I will go to sea with my family, Seahusband, Seababy and maybe even MORE Seababies, and I will use that knowledge and maybe even take the exam to make part of my license legit again. The knowledge dosen’t go away, (well OK, maybe my flashing light is a little rusty) but it's all still there and maybe, just maybe, I will find other ways to make to make a living with it. And if not - who cares. I have a bigger challenge on my hands, and this one takes much more than four years of dedication.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-14085481896973295472008-12-25T18:48:00.001-05:002008-12-25T19:16:03.178-05:00Merry ChristmasMerry Christmas.<br />It was a busy holiday. I shopped and wrapped gifts for my family and his. Packed it all into the car – the gifts, cookies, dog and pillows needed for a decent sleep at 8 months pregnant. We (the dog and I) drove two and a-half hours north to spend the night with my parents. The drive was long and tiring followed by a long uncomfortable night in the guest room, followed by a wonderful morning of gift giving and family banter. Sea Husband called to say Merry Christmas to all from the Gulf of Mexico. He sounded sad and I know he was and I wished for the words to make it ok but there were none. Our daughter is due in mid February and in order for Sea Husband to be home when she arrives he has to be at sea for Christmas. He was at sea for Thanksgiving too, so we celebrated two weeks early with a huge bird, all the trimmings and family- it felt like the real thing even though it was two weeks early. We are celebrating Christmas late – at least his mother, sister and I. We are holding off on most gifts until he is home next week. We will have another feast and it will feel like Christmas. But I still miss him tonight. After I left my folks I drove another two and a-half hours to be with his mother and sister for a feast. There was a deep fried turkey, dressing, and cookies galore. A few gifts were exchanged. As the night draws to a close I feel very lucky to have two families who love me when there are those in the world with none. I feel blessed to have a child in my belly and most of all to have a husband who loves me and loves me enough to sacrifice the holiday season so he can be home when we welcome a baby into our home. It will be a busy and happy spring. I am happy, blessed and loved, but I still miss him tonight.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-62888748051935873082008-10-06T10:33:00.001-04:002008-10-06T10:34:31.281-04:00The circle of life.One of the great things about working ashore in an office is joining that wonderful CLEAN world of nicely dressed business people, comfortable and tidy offices, and "restrooms" with never ending supplies of TP. There is no rust busting, no once a week laundry privileges, no head cleaning - or de-clogging, no painting, no greasing lifeboat bearings, no awkward bridge-window cleaning, no engineering issues with heating and cooling and I can wear heels if I want to. (though I don't very often). I can buy pretty purses, and match them to my shoes, granted my shoes may be Dansko clogs, but dammit they are shiny and they are not grubby sneakers, or worse - steel toed work boots. These things I have been especially glad for and when ever I feel that longing for a an at-sea sunrise, I remind my self of all these luxury's. <br />However, recently our office has moved into a different space,after a major company downsizing and some things I was taking for granted have now ceased to exist. We no longer have nighttime office cleaners. That popcorn I had at 2:30 last Thursday.... still on the floor, empty bag still in the trash under my desk. The bathrooms... not being cleaned, AND we now have to stock our own TP. The heat is kept low to save money... so much for my cute new short sleeved maternity top. I have an electric space heater going and am wearing fingerless gloves and a wool zip up sweater - I wish I had thought to put on wool socks today. (and it's only October!) It has been suggested that we clean our own office including the bathroom... and I realize I sound a bit whiny here, but honestly! I though I was joining the world of suits and ties, and Banana Republic matching separates! At least no one has asked me to chip paint.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3867492557728131511.post-22277153813057814202008-09-28T19:01:00.001-04:002008-09-28T19:32:48.144-04:00The Stay at Home SeawifeBeing a Seawife I already feel like I "stay at home". I mean compared to what most of my peers from the maritime academy are doing, shipping out in one form or another, I do "stay at home". While at home (or ashore) I also work 40 hours a week for a company which makes nautical charts and cruising guides. I love my job, I love the people I work with and I especially love that I am using my maritime education though it has been a struggle at times to grapple with the fact that I haven't set foot on a commercial vessel for over two years. But now, expecting a Seababy I am grappling with the NEW meaning of "stay at home".<br /><br />On Friday I told my boss that I would not be returning to work full time after the baby is born but that I would very much hope to be kept on part time and from home. Is some ways this sounds like a totally unreasonable request - I should just be lucky to have a job especially after my company was recently downsized by about 90 percent. But I know in my heart and in my head, that I could not work full time and send my child to daycare, and keep an orderly house and a happy husband. Doing some research on the Internet I keep coming across articles which say things like "if you are fortunate enough...", "if your budget allows...", "if you can afford the luxury of..." being a stay-at-home-mom. When did staying at home with your kids become a luxury? Don't get me wrong. I am so very grateful for all the women of history who have broken down doors and have so far allowed me into a school, and a career where previously only males existed, but now it seems our society has swung the opposite direction. You are an inadequate woman if you CANT handle a career and a family at the same time! (The emergence of Sarah Palin has brought many of these issues to the forefront of discussions and I am glad for that - though I'm not a huge fan of her possibly being our Vice President.) Anyhow, I was very relieved to have the support of my parents, family and husband and also my co-workers as I made the decision to Stay At Home, at least partially, while I watch the little one grow.SeaWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01666418381885340859noreply@blogger.com1