When to break up with a friend

It's OK for friendships to end.  It's sad and one or both parties will be hurt.  But as the saying goes, all good things DO come to an end. 
I was broken up with once.  It hurt.  Though I've never grasped the exact reasons said friend put up a fence, I do now understand that she had a legitimate issue. There was something in our friendship that became toxic to her, a negativity which was (sorrowfully) tied to me.  She had the ability to pinpoint this negativity that was affecting her life and close the door on it forever.  I'm so sorry she did.  BUT.  I respect now the need for self preservation of the mind and heart. 

Like any relationship romantic or not, a relationship is based upon an ebb and flow of energy and sharing.
Here is how a happy relationship works:  I share and give to you because I know you will do the same for me.  Sharing my time, energy and efforts with you feels effortless.

Do you have a friend that causes you to lose sleep at night, anxiety, wondering if you measure up to real or imagined expectations, having feelings of dread before you see them?  Does a simple phone conversation or e-mail exchange leave you feeling drained of energy?  How much do you absorb before it's OK to close the door  on this friend, at least figuratively? The situation should never be left to simmer so long that you close the door LITERALLY in their face, right? 

If you answered yes to either of the first two questions in the last paragraph, it may be time to take action. Our lives are too short to cater to others needs and desires especially if your own are not being met.  It does not mean you no longer love this ex- friend.  I have an ex-friend who I love dearly and would never wish a bad thought to her, and yet, I can only muster up the courage to see her in person about once a year.... for about two beers....at the most.

Life is cyclical. We change jobs, we change homes, we change our politics.  The sun rises, sets and rises again. But maybe by the next full moon you will have lightened your load of negativity and there will be more smiles, more pep, more room for whats important.

Greener Less Than Thou

Here's some things I do that are not so  Eco- Friendly:


Use Miracle Grow.  Though I use it ONLY on my potted plants I know it is still very bad. Every drip that runs over the pot and ends up in the soil. 


Purchase Individually Wrapped Cheese Sticks.  What can I say, they are just too easy for kids lunches and snacks.  But, every time I pull that little plastic wrapper off I can't help but imagine how long it's going to be in a landfill. 


On the bright side I try to offset my eco-violations with these ideas:

PIMP YOUR SWIFFER.   (you know you want to click on that) 

Compost.   For me it's less about creating beautiful usable soil, and more about saving space in the kitchen garbage bag.  Just think, if you threw NO food scraps into the garbage AND recycled paper, glass and plastic - how much less would your home be contributing to the local landfill?

Share with me, let's make each other better people.  What alternatives can you offer to my eco-violations and what actions do you suggest I try to be a more earth friendly household?

On Becoming a parent.

"Every day they become less dependent on you." A great and wise friend said this to me recently as I was bemoaning the tremendous burden of raising two very small children with a husband who is away more than half the year. "It may seem tough now, but someday soon you will ache for these days" says another wise friend. I know they are so correct and WILL myself to be filled with patience as I change the third soiled outfit of the morning, and explain for the thousandth time that Daddy is at work and won't be home until Saturday.

Parenthood has changed me. It's wonderful gift to be challenged with the task of raising human beings. "Don't screw it up!" I keep reminding my self! There was no jarring life affirming moment which showed me the change within, but rather the changes in myself are small, tiny increments of change, a pinch of kindness here, a dash of loving there that didn't exist before I was a parent. Learning from this process of raising children is where I have gained the most ground as a human: learned to be more compassionate, patient, and freely giving of my love.

I've stopped blurting out whatever snarky comments come to my mind. I'm more thoughtful with the words I choose, the tone I use and the presentation of my observations to a three year old. What a wonderful challenge, I tell myself every day. Being a parent is not like a project at work,which has a beginning, middle and end. Its an ongoing lecture in a classroom with a revolving door. I can exit the classroom, checkout and just pray for the toddler years to pass me by quickly. Or, I can grab a seat in the front row, take notes and ask questions. And why not give my children all I have at this tender young age? After all it's only a matter of time before they are pushing me away, eager to go and learn on their own the ways of the world.

How To Be An Olympian

 Want to win Gold? Want to be successful? I've been watching the Olympics nearly every day for the past few weeks - I just LOVE it. What an amazing thing to celebrate the WHOLE WORLD in a positive way. No war, no politics, no racism - the Olympics are about ALL HUMANS who live on the same earth.

At the age of 31 I'm probably past my prime chances for becoming an Olympic athlete. But I can still draw on the drive and determination of these athletes to be the BEST PERSON I can be every day.  Cheesy?  Well maybe - or maybe I'm just more optimistic than you.  Here's how I plan to be the best ME as I soak up the positive energy from London on the last night of the games:

1) Be a good role model. Show your children, their friends, new parents, the person in line behind you at the cashier - kindness and patience.  Treat others as you want to be treated. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

2)  Cultivate and nourish relationships with close friends and family. Covet and be thankful to those who love and understand you and dismiss without guilt those relationships which carry negativity. 

3)  Care for yourself.  Do you think Phelps and Douglas and May-Treanor tell them selves they can eat like shit today and just workout tomorrow?  An Olympians body IS the tool they must utilize to win the medal. Take care of your tools.  Fit mind, fit body, fit life.

It's true you may not win a Gold Medal and stand on the Olympic podium, but you can set goals, just like they do.  Goals like get happy, get fit, be a great mother, get a job you love.  Set a goal. Work hard. Win.